I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
