My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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