Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
