i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You are the jesus of drinking
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
