Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
