No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
