In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
