went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
