Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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