Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
