I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
