So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
