she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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