I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
