Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
