I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Found your dick twin last night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
