i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
