I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
