So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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