This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
