Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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