How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
