batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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