i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
