just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
