Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
