I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
