i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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