we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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