I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
