so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
