I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
