i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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