Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
