I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
