The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
