he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My pussy is not your playground.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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