You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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