Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
