i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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