I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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