I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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