All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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