Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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