Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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