Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We're too hungover to prance.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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