the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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