I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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