This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
