I wish I only lived at night.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
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