How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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