getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
