Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
